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how to cook a koala

28th September, 2004. 11:31 pm.

Looking back at my journal entries, they make me sound manic depressive. One will be horribly sad and then next one I'm ecstatic. I will work on that.

Current mood: enlightened.

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28th September, 2004. 11:20 pm.

Everything is normal with my parents, I guess it is anyways. They haven't alluded anymore to the rumor that I'm "on drugs". Which is a good thing. Mrs. Bozeman and I are on good terms again as well. I think she has put my little mishap out of her mind, which is always good. She wrote really nice things to me on my writer's notebook, so that was pretty cool.

If you try to call me, and it just rings and rings, more than likely I'm not ignoring you. My phone's a POS and my antenna ripped off. So I get very selective reception, EXPECIALLY out at my house. So leave a message or text me, I'll more than likely get that...eventually at least. Someone has been calling me and I think they think I'm ignoring them, but in reality, I love them with a fiery passion!!! Ahh!!

With that said, I'd like to profess to the world that I made an 80 this six weeks in ap economics. Now to most people that doesn't sound like a huge accomplishment, but in reality that is a rabbit out of the hat for me. That class is hella hard. So I was ecstatic to get an 80. I've been doing homeowrk and stuff- it's been really weird. I like it though, I really am trying to get on top of things.

On Saturday night, I shall be attending "neon nights" at trinity. I'm ecstatic about this. The title and idea of the dance stems from the trip to Kemah...flavored neon body paint...MUAHA. I'm so excited that my tribe and I will be reuniting to put on our tribal markings....to do a TRIBAL dance! YES!

For the next issue in the Long-View (school newspaper) I am to write a story about things to do on Halloween. Everyone needs to post a comment and tell me their ideas. Last Halloween I got an MIP (the birth of the tribe happened this night as well..). I shall try and avoid that this year. I think it'd be really cool if we could have a reunion of all the kids that got in trouble over at krizzle's. Could be fun..! '

Work is getting better. I only have to work 13 hrs a week usually. That's not too bad. I should be getting about 180$ check this friday though...I am rather excited. Sucks that about 100 of it will go to my parents, but i guess that's how things go. That will teach me not to get a 250$ phone bill.

Isn't funny how things can be so much better (or at least appear that way) in 72 hours or less? I love it!

So long, farewell auf weidersehn goodbye! The sun has gone to bed and so must I!!

Current mood: sleepy.

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26th September, 2004. 6:01 pm.

everything sucks
i miss my geegee and poppy
i want everything to be normal again
i'm scared about my grades
why was i such a screw up to begin with?

it's my fault but do i really deserve this shit?

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25th September, 2004. 11:12 pm. props to shea and her screwdrivers.

Look at your face like you're killed in a dream
And you think you've figured out everything
I think I know my geometry pretty damn well
You say what you need so you'll get more
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I said and you know what I mean
But I can't still focus on anything -modest mouse

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here. - pink floyd

But it was only a fantasy
The wall was too high as you can see
No matter how he tried he could not break free -pink floyd

I wrote this song for you
To show how I'm selling out
I'll take the benefit of a doubt -switchfoot

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years,
but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie
you tell yourself to help you get by? -postal service

You say that I've changed
Well maybe I did
But even if I changed
What's wrong with it -third eye blind

I thought you were singing your heart out to me
Your lips were synching and now I see -sheryl crow

I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face -smashing pumpkins

Say hello to everything you've left behind
It's even more a part of your life
now that you can't touch it -a perfect circle

I know that I've never seen
your motives more squeaky clean,
and my 17 magazine tells me that you're in love. -relient k

i'd drive you to las vegas and do the things you wanna do
i'd even have wayne newton dedicate a song to you -the ataris

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right. -the ataris

One step away from where we were
And one step back to nothing -switchfoot

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us -tim mcgraw

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25th September, 2004. 2:35 pm.

The past two days have been eventful. Yesterday, Mrs. Bozeman thought it'd be a cool idea to call my parents and let them know that i was "on drugs" and that i had changed the number on file with the school to my cell phone number. So that has created a shitstorm at my house, luckily i really haven't seen my parents this weekend due to the ACT, work, them going to dallas, and whatever else. I haven't minded. Just for the record- even if I was doing drugs for a while, it's none of my teacher's fucking business. SO woohoo- if my parents drug test me then i will be kicked out of the house. So that's something to look forward to... :( My parents yelled at me and made me cry right before i took my senior pictures..so you can just imagine how great those look. Thanks guys.

On a better note- so many people have been so nice to me throughout all of this. I was hinted to that I would be receiving a drug test after school on Friday...if i fail then i know i'd be kicked out. Lots of people said if that happened I could stay with them...my geegee and poppy even said they'd support me financially. I can't wait till I get away from my sutton side of the family except for my Dad and Nanny. Everyone else has no feelings or emotions. Aunt Linda thinks I should totally be over with my great grandfather and friends dying. Oh wait..it only happened about a month and a half ago. My Sutton heritage is scary..I found out the other day that there are cases of mental illness in EVERY generation in the family...literally. Neat to know huh? Now i'm scared I'm going to grow up and be schizophrenic. GRRR.

I took the ACT this morning...I think I kicked butt on it except for the math section..i found it to be rather tricky. I finished all of my sections though, which is really good bc they're designed for you not to finish. So I hope for the best.

What shall I do tonight? If anyone wants to hang out- give me a ring! Parents are gone till after midnight so I can go out and then come home and go to sleep without having to see them. I'm really thankful for this because I feel that two days of them cooling off will be very beneficial.

Geegee (my grandmother haha) gave me the best thing to do..it really did help. I was crying bc I was so stressed out and worried about things, so she told me to write down a list of literally EVERYTHING that worried me. Towards the end of the list, things started getting trivial. Then, she told me to write down how i can resolve each thing. If I couldn't resolve it then she told me to write down "let it go" by it. This sounds dumb, but it really helped me work through sooo much crap. I realized that a lot of the things I worry about are things that I just need to let go. If it's going to happen, then it's going to happen regardless if I worry about it or not.

Current mood: confused.

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24th September, 2004. 8:39 am.

k8iebabe18: always swallow its good for you   apparently it has vitamin C and something that helps you lose weight or boosts metabolism.
k8iebabe18: come on     we need to start selling cum in a can   muahah lol we'd get paid for the services of retrieving the cum and then the ladies and others would pay to for the cans of it  to lose weight
Skeeps555: eww.
k8iebabe18: CUM in a can
Skeeps555: EW
k8iebabe18: yum
k8iebabe18: cum
k8iebabe18: yum yum i like the cumcum
Skeeps555: noooooooo

I love my Katie Gardenhire.  For everyone who doesn't know her, she was being facetious in this conversation.

I have soo much shit i need to do.  Writer's notebook for Bozeman is due tomorrow and all of my entries have to be rewritten bc i was barred out on a lot of them.  AGH.  I also have a 47 in ap biology, i have to turn in like 4 papers tomorrow.  Remnants of my wild days.

I love my friends.  A lot.

In ap economics today, mr higgins sort of had a mini discussion with us about abortion.  It was interesting.  I don't like how he makes any other view than his own seem absolutely ridiculous though.  He thinks that even in cases of rape and incenst, abortion should not be allowed.  I whole-heartedly disagree.

Off to do some homework...or just continue listening to music.

Current mood: amused.

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22nd September, 2004. 10:26 am. i would do anything to make it better.

I've gotten to know so many cool people this year! At lunch, Mckinsey and I have been sitting with Meagan Kipp, Jordan JOhnson, and Logan Lane...oh how they are player-licious! Jordan is the best- he's my papa bear for life! :) We better hang out this weekend you silly negro!!

I went and saw HEaven's Gates and Hell's Flames tonight- that pissed my shit off!! Some of the scenes were really upsetting and I just didn't want to be there.

You know how there are some people that are "fixers"? They're the girls that end up marrying a loser bc they think they can make him ok? Well I'm one of those people I think...I constantly try to fix people. Right now there's someone that I love so much, and has been there so many times for me, that really means more to me than i could explain, but I can't help them right now. And believe me, I'd do anything in the world to make it better. The thing that makes it worse is that I know I can't make it better. It really fucks me up though, I care so much but I know I can't do anything but just stand back and watch them hurt.

Life is really unfair sometimes. But there's nothing you can do about it. Life's not so forgiving- you get one shot to make it good, and if you fall behind, it's not gonna wait for you to catch up. You have to do what it takes to make it ok for you, whatever that is. And if there was anything I could do to help you find that, I would give anything.

Current mood: indescribable.

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19th September, 2004. 7:48 am.

 I have to get ready for work... :(   At least I'm not getting ready for church! ha!  Last night i went to ashton's..i didn't drink or anything though bc i was waiting for the wrath of my parents when they got home from the game (which, by the way, we won BITCH).  Turns out, my parents weren't wrathful, just tired, and I could have gotten as drunk as I wanted.  That's ok though, you need a break every now and then.  It was kind of fun just to see everyone at ashton's without being fucked up.  I smoked a little bit before i left my house w/ shea and jessica...but not too much. 

I was sad that I didn't get to go to bryan's- he was being so nice to me because he knew i was having a kinda bad day.  Oh well, another day we will ball till we fall.  He really is a nice guy...we used to be badasses in middle school ya know?

So I hear drug testing is next week at school?  I've heard so many rumors.  I just wish I could hear some definitive answer so i could plan and work my way around this crap.  I'm a master though, I got thissss.

Dave Chapelle is a genuis.

Jackie's post the other day about refraining from cashing in the v-card was interesting.  Props to Jackie!!!!  Next time you're in town you better call me biatch! 7368890.

I really like life.  Things are just nice. I've really started to enjoy almost ALL the people in our "group" in my class.  A lot of the guys are really fun.  Alex drew all kindsa shit on me the other night at shea's after i passed out, but none of it was mean.  That made me happy, I really did laugh about it.  There was a softball diamond on the back of one of my legs?  Psh..

I've been thinking about life all the time lately.  It's weird.  There's a lot of people that I've gotten to know this year thast are the most genuine and nice people.  Ashley Crittenden is in my digital graphics and animation class, and she's so awesome.  Mckinsey was telling me that they were talking about me doing drugs, and Ashley was just like "I wish Skye wouldn't do that stuff."  And that made me happy..just bc it was so blunt but i dunno, it just showed that she cares about me even though i haven't known her long. 

Emotions are hard to explain.

Drink up baby, stay up all night
with the things you could do
you won't but you might
the potential you'll be
but you'll never see
the promises you'll only make. 
Drink up with me now,
and forget all about
the pressure of days.
do what i say
and i'll make you ok
and drive them away
the images stuck in your head 
drink up baby look at the stars
i'll kiss you again
betweeen the bars
where i'm seeing you there
w/ your hands in the air
drink up one more time
and i'll make you mine
keep you apart
deep in my heart
separate from the rest
where i like you best

Current mood: awake.

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18th September, 2004. 8:00 pm. oh yeah...

i forgot to tell everyone...i think i've become a "deist". I'm withdrawing my membership from mobberly as soon as i graduate. Take that suckers.

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18th September, 2004. 7:46 pm. wow

Wet pets n critters is good...prety easy work. i got my first pay check- 34$ woohoo haha. it was only for like 2 days though

So I made a really stupid decision on friday and took 3 bars at school. Needless to say, I was fucked up. And I regret it more thana nything. Mrs. Bozeman told me that I looked "trashed". She even tried to call my parents about it. I told her that I was just really tired and stressed out over ap biology but i don't know if she believed me. I thought she did. Regardless, I'm never taking bars again.....especially not in mrs. bozeman's class. It's too risky.

Last night I went to Shea's after work and had a lot of fun! and i got to see my john walker so that was fun. Shea's was crazy- I've never been that throwed before. I went to bed this afternoon and didn't wake up till 7...guess i missed the game. I'm really upset about that..more than you can understand. I'm gonna slow it down a little tonight. I'm going over to Bryan's for a fun shin dig..i hear maybe there will be poker involved? hmm....

I really need to quit doing drugs..i'm becoming a fuckup. I have a 47 in ap biology. and on one english quiz mrs bozeman told me I was "making up words". I was supposed to call my parents last night but i was too fucked up to so i just didn't...i hope they let me stay the ngiht out tonight.

the bottom has to drop out sometime...and i think it is already starting to.

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